Things they don't tell doctors

I get it. I really do. The doctor is in charge of the surgery - as it should be. 

The person who is in charge of scheduling and who is the contact person for any patient, should be nice, prompt, courteous, have at least a high school diploma (I'd even settle for a GED), know who you are when you have called more than once in the span of 2 days, know how to read a calendar, know the hospitals and the doctors schedule, should call your insurance, should send out a package to let you know what time you should be at the hospital and where, and might even want to provide the name of the hotel where your loved ones can stay at a reduced rate. Might want to throw in that the hospital will also pay for one extra meal at every meal time for a guest. (Are you excited? You too can eat hospital food if you are planning on visiting me).  

I honestly don't think I am asking for too much. 

You're reading this so you already know how I got here. I met with this surgeon (whom I adore) the beginning of November. At the time, he said the schedule was about 3-4 weeks out. He was going to have "his girl" take care of the scheduling, insurance, etc. I waited one week. I sent her an email. I waited another week, I sent her another email. I called her and left a message. I called her again. She told me she was busy and hadn't had time to call my insurance, or schedule me. For crying out loud, she had paperwork. This honestly was her excuse. At that time, I reminded her, that when they do the mastectomy, that they still have to send the tissue to pathology and that it isn't over til the path lady sings (I know, I know, that's a good one, I was saving it for later, but if I do use it later, pretend you didn't already see it).  

She mentioned that maybe we could do it December 8th, asked me to call her back to confirm the next day. I did. She couldn't remember who I was. Kept asking me if I was a patient of Dr. So&So. I reminded her that I live 3-1/2 hours away from the doctor, and that since the surgery is a week in the hospital with a 6 week recovery time, I really needed to get it scheduled, as it affects many people for many days to help me out. She told me she hadn't done anything about it, again, because she had paperwork. Said she would take care of it by lunch and call me. I called again at 3. Guess what? She simply hadn't had time to schedule the 3 surgeons, coordinate operating rooms, etc. After all, she DID have paperwork. 

My dear friend Shannon offered to give me her December 2nd surgery slot (bless her nipples), and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Ms. Scheduler said she would put me on the books for December 15th. Please note the day of this post. This obviously did not happen. 

I made the phone calls. We called the hotel to make reservations. I told people I was going in on December 15th. Family is coming out to help take care of me and they are making plane reservations. 

When I called her to confirm that after that weekend, she said that she hadn't had time to call one of the other surgeons, and BTW, who was it? I gave her the number, told her that I got it from HER doctor, and asked if it was in my file. She opened it up and said yes it was. She needed to call her to see if she was going to be able to do it on December 15th. She asked me if I was a patient of Dr. So&So.

She actually called me back that afternoon. December 15th wouldn't work at all, because the general surgeon wasn't available. And why did this happen? Because she had paperwork. And she (oopsy) forgot to call the general surgeon who is going to perform the mastectomy (that would be the first step in this type of surgery). That particular general surgeon just wasn't available, so she was going to go ahead and move me to December 29th. She was also going to call my insurance and get authorization.

Flashback to the original cancer diagnosis: my abnormal mammogram was in July. By the time everybody got their shit together to do a biopsy and scheduling me and rescheduling me for every two weeks, the biopsy and diagnosis didn't happen until the end of September. Who knows what the little cancer cells were doing for 70 days. Probably having a party. 

I confirmed the December 29th with her. I actually got a phone call from Surgeon #1 on the mastectomy and we talked about the surgery, my options, the pathology report, and how I would see her at 7am on Monday, December 29th. 

We have made house/dog sitter arrangements. 

We have made hotel reservations. 

I have put together a BBB party the night before with my bay area friends. (ByeByeBoobies)

Tim's sister is coming out from Cleveland to hang out with Tim while I am in the hospital. 

My Aunt Jill has booked a trip from New Mexico to help do housework and hang out with me. 

My brother TJ and his wife are going to come out for this too to help me out from Utah. 

I have been busy getting ready to do everything that needs to be done for next week. Most of my Xmas stuff is done, but we still need to run the business while we are up in SF for a week. There are eleventy-six million things to be done, but I have all next week to do them. 

After a particularly challenging day yesterday, I decided to call Ms. Scheduler because I hadn't heard from her, and since Xmas is next week, I assumed that she was going to be taking most of it off. I still don't know what time to be there on Monday, December 29th, haven't signed my medical power of attorney, etc. 

She knew who I was - this was a good sign. She said, "Oh yeah, your file is on my desk here somewhere." 

I assumed it was probably buried underneath all her paperwork. Then she pretended to put me on hold and hung up on me. 

I called back.

She said, "You're a patient of Dr. So&So's right?" 

Um, no. Still. Not a good sign. 

She said, "Oh yeah, I should probably call your insurance company. Who was it again?" 

Um, yes. Probably a good frickin idea. 

She told me she had today (Thursday) off, but for sure would call me on Friday morning. And then pulled her little "If you don't hear from me by XXtime on Friday, give me a call." 

I was annoyed, but I am literally at her mercy. 

I got a phone call back from her about 30 minutes later, and about 4 minutes before her office closed for the day. I assume you are sitting down since you have read this far. "Oh, the doctor is going to be out of town on December 29th. We MIGHT be able to get you in for January 6th, but I am going to have to work on that."

I got very quiet. My mind was racing. My heart was beating so loud I could hear it. My world stopped and my head started to spin. I yelled at her, reminded her that I had family and friends coming in on non-refundable tickets. She said maybe we could write a letter to the airlines. I told her I couldn't talk to her right now, threw the phone across the room, and collapsed in a heap on the living room and started to cry. 

You would be very proud of me. I didn't call her names. I didn't even cuss. I was emotionally prepared for this surgery, and it felt as if somebody had pulled the plug to let me drain. 

Tim called her back. She said there was nothing she could do. Blamed it on the doctor. Said he just told her he was going to be gone. Tim asked to talk to the doc. She said she would give him a message (yeah right). 

He called the office back and got the answering service. Told them it was an emergency. The doctor called back. He had NO IDEA any of this was going on. Thought everything was peachy keen. He mentioned something about this coming Monday. He apologized profusely. This circumstance is one of those things they don't tell doctors. 

He must have read her the riot act. I got a phone call from her cell phone last night at 7:30. She asked if I could come in THIS coming Monday, December 22. Asked if maybe she could get another general surgeon in case the one (that's scheduled for December 29th) can't do it on Monday. I of course told her yes. For crying out loud, get somebody with a melon baller in there to take out the breast tissue, just make sure the guy who is building me new breasts has a good nights sleep. 

She said that she would call me to confirm today. Even though it's her day off. And she would also be calling the insurance company. Yes, have a nice day off, Ms. Scheduler. You should probably check the help wanted ads while you are at it. 

So, here I am. It's sorta like limbo, only not. I'm shooting for this Monday, December 22. I won't know for sure until sometime today. I'm a mess.

And now the list that didn't seem so daunting because I had 10 days to do it? I now have 3 days. If I missed something, I apologize. If you didn't get a Christmas card, it's probably cuz you pissed me off; or maybe it's just cause that stack on my desk didn't quite make it to the post office (much more likely).

Need to get a house/pet sitter. Need to do January's newsletter (if you don't get it, now you will know why). Need to get new stories ready to post on ThereIsLifeAfterBreastCancer.com. Need to finish the Spirited Woman Blog Contest entry. Need to cancel the hair appointment (made 2 months in advance). Need to finish laundry. Need to eat breakfast. Need to stop writing this blog.  

I know, I know. I'm spontaneous. I can travel at the drop of a hat. I expected Joe & Carmen to travel to Europe with me on 10 days notice (which they did). Either I am getting older, or just getting crotchety with age. I should be able to suck this up, right? 

Merry Christmas to me. All I want for Christmas is: 

• two new boobs
• no more mammograms
• upgraded survival rate
• a flat tummy
• world peace
• to know who Dr. So&So really is
• Ms. Scheduler's head on a platter